Soulful Connections

Soulful Connections
A Column by Relda Hill
Cultivating the Inner Voice
I have been hearing a lot recently about people who hear voices and how disruptive these voices can be. I want to say that I have empathy for these individuals and I validate their daily struggle to deal with this mental health condition. However, there is another voice that exists in each of us that does not get much attention. To be clear, this voice is called the inner voice. This voice is not a pathology; it represents the inner child at the core of our being. I have found in my spiritual practice that this inner voice can lead me through any distress that I may be feeling. In this article I will discuss my struggle to hear my inner voice and how I achieved peace and wholeness by listening to it. 
Throughout the last 25 years, I have done a lot of research on spiritual practices. I was raised as a Christian, but when I reached adolescence Christianity no longer worked for me. I do not relate well to a God that deals with black and white rules and who does not have a sense of humor. In addition, since I had poor boundaries in the past I did not know where I began or ended. I was like an open book and anyone could write on the pages of my soul and mind. Moreover, since I was sensitive, I found that people really did not have to say anything to me. I was able to pick up their negative energies and I made the erroneous assumption that the feelings and energies of others were my feelings and energies. Sadly, my authentic self got lost in the struggle to gain my identity as Relda. 
As the years passed, I developed a lot of “chatter” in my head. I define “chatter” as white noise. This white noise made it difficult for me to connect to the inner child in me and to my inner voice. For instance, when I was in the throes of a deep depression, my inner voice was my worst critic. I entertained thoughts like “You don’t deserve to live,” which caused me great distress. I felt that I did not deserve to live and I was very judgmental with my Self. This judgmental part of me caused me to act out in self-defeating ways. I nearly lost my life to this harsh inner critic. 
One might ask “Why should I seek out the inner voice when it can be my own worst critic?” I believe that it is important to seek out the inner voice even if what I discover is harsh, negative criticism. I know that when I listen to the negativity that is contained within me that I can very slowly begin to change it. When I become aware of what is rotting within me, I am given the opportunity to liberate my soul. In simpler terms, I have a choice. I can either succumb to the negative talk or I can learn to transform it. Transformation occurs for me when I “starve” this negative energy by engaging in some positive activity like exercise, doing artwork, singing, cleaning my apartment or any other kind of positive activity. In my experience, I have found it worth my while to dig up toxic, old tapes so that I can face them and symbolically discard them. Whenever I engage in transformative activities, I am building positive, self-esteem. My salvation is not in medication but in meditation! Let’s be clear, I am not advocating that peers come off their medication, I am stating that meditation can be an instrument that leads to wholeness and healing.
Luckily, I have a persevering spirit and I began to read spiritual books and magazines. In addition, I went on retreats, entered therapy and spoke to many people who had similar struggles. Fortunately, I was able to find the strength to meditate even if it was only for short periods. I learned about techniques that helped me to understand cognitive distortions and how they distorted my world. I also learned that many of my reactions were based on traumas that I had endured during my life. 
As my meditation practice grew stronger, I was able to hear my inner voice. This small voice inside of me became calm and periods of upheaval lessened. I discovered through meditation that I am able to get to the bottom of any problem. I was able to reach the “still” part of me. From this serene space, I began to heal. The “internal offender” or the “harsh inner critic” are still a part of my psyche, but they do not run my life. My ability to hear my truth from my inner voice strengthened me. I am not suggesting that I do not need other people in my life; I still choose to work with a therapist. However, I am not as dependent on others as I used to be. Simply put, I have learned to bear my own burdens.
For those brave souls who want to find their inner voice, I can offer a few tips. You can begin this journey by creating a sacred space for yourself in your home. You can decorate the space with pictures of a spiritual leader or decorate your space with meaningful, universal symbols. Some people like to have a jar of water to represent spirit and others use incense to purify the air. Also, you can use flowers or green leaves to represent life and eternity. After this sacred space has been created, you can sit on a chair or sit on the ground. Do only what works for you. There is an abundance of books that will give you more ideas on how to create sacred space. Observe your breath and make sure that it is calm and steady. 
As you begin to do the practice diligently you will begin to move past the chatter of the “monkey mind” and find your inner voice. You will begin to get in touch with the part of you that has never been violated. Your inner voice will make itself heard and you will eventually feel calmness and a deep peace. Deep in your soul you will know that you have achieved something special that will be your guide through the rest of your life.

The Healing Art of The Memoir

The Healing Art of The Memoir
By Ayesha 
Writing My Personal Story Has Been a Cleansing Experience
I want to write about how cleansing it was for me to write a 3,000-3,500-word personal narrative. This memoir is the beginning of what I hope will become a book-length personal narrative. I like to think of the benefits that I get from writing personal narrative as “narrative therapy.”
When I write about my experiences as an African American woman living with schizophrenia, I am writing my story which began twenty years ago. I have made progress simply by sharing my story with others. As I read the first two pages of my narrative with students and alumni at Memoirfest—a memoir-reading party that Dr. Giunta, the memoir class professor, holds every May and December at her house in Teaneck, New Jersey—I was being bolder than I have ever been before.
I have written personal essays and narratives that I have shared in safe spaces, but never as part of a college-level workshop or at a gathering of students as I did at Memoirfest. I felt so good after sharing the first two pages of my memoir with everyone and getting their positive feedback. One student told me she really enjoyed my piece, which I shared with her just before she left at the end of the night. She was doing her honors thesis and, although I cannot remember her name, her comment meant a lot to me. 
The first class that I shared my life experience as an African American woman with schizophrenia was English Composition II while doing research in the Guarni library for our final research paper; Dr. Alina Gharabegian was my instructor.
I had been encouraged by Dr. Hamburger to take ECI and ECII at the university level. I took the Advanced Creative Writing Workshop with him and did not do well, barely passing the course. Dr. Hamburger encouraged me to repeat ECI and ECII, which I did to improve my writing skills. 
Dr. Gharabegian had assigned the class a five- to seven-page research paper on the broad topic of love. We could approach the assignment in any way we liked. In her comments on my proposal, Dr. Gharabegian suggested that I write about schizophrenia and love. I felt like someone was opening a door for me. I was surprised by her suggestion, but also thrilled. I had not yet written a paper about my personal experiences with schizophrenia during my time at New Jersey City University. 
I was happy to be taking Memoir Workshop with Dr. Giunta, who taught me to avoid writing my story as a chronology or autobiography. When I nailed voice, it was like church bells were ringing at that moment, and I felt so accomplished, mature and independent. I am so glad I took Memoir Workshop and then Advanced Memoir Workshop during the spring of 2015. I graduated from NJCU in August 2015 with a BA in Creative Writing. 
I am fond of NJCU because of my experience in Dr. Giunta’s class. She was an amazing, supportive, caring and sweet person as well as a great teacher. I feel such an overwhelming debt of gratitude to her. I never thought I would have such an experience with a professor or as part of a class. It had such an amazing impact on me and on my life.
Now I am back at NJCU majoring in Early Childhood Education. I feel more a part of the university's community now than when I began in the fall of 2007. 

My Mental Health Journey: Mirroring Success Through the Eyes of a Relationship

My Mental Health Journey: Mirroring Success Through the Eyes of a Relationship
A Column by J. Alfreda
Success is Obtained by Letting Go of the Toxic Pieces
Our relationship has been strained at best, a really rocky road. It’s a love/hate relationship that borders on psychosis. But, in the final analysis, I am the one who knows her best. She is the closest person to me. She is me.
There was a pouring of rain on our already strained relationship. You see, I have schizophrenia, bipolar type, which onset at age 20. Many voices and much pain have infiltrated my mind over the past 35 years. I have just arrived at a place of readiness to accept this illness as mine.
You might possibly think it’s strange that it took me so long, but I have always thought of my illness as another entity, an alter-ego, an arch nemesis. I refused to see myself as a whole person. My war had an enemy though I couldn’t see that the enemy was unintentionally me. Success would start with forging my “selves” and attaining as much peace as possible. 
Schizophrenia is a different realm of reality. You realize what you go through intermittently. But, when you are there, it is real. It is marked by delusions, extreme paranoia, suicidal thoughts, steep highs and lulls of depression in my case.
In the beginning, it was like having my life, mind and soul hollowed out and strewn across the four corners of the Earth in scraps, feeling like I had to travel to each site and retrieve them piece by piece in a zombie state. The disease alienates you from yourself.
Schizophrenia is a useless, evil being who can’t stand in a church for fear of bursting into flames. It is a pimp that bids actions contrary to your will, turning you inside-out. That is, until you fix it.
I walked around in this nightmarish, delusional state for 24 years before a medication was created that I would respond to and not put me in the conveyor-belt-shuffle-mode.
When I was 20, I was sure that by now I would have an engineering firm, a great home, kids, and the whole nine yards, but that hasn’t been in the plan for me. I have barely been able to take care of myself. I did manage to finish college, though on the revolving door plan; one quarter in school, the next in the hospital and so on. I changed my major from chemical engineering to journalism because after the first break, with the tranquilizers I was taking (that was all they had for schizophrenia back then), I found I could not comprehend my coursework anymore. I was in my junior year before the break.
You can imagine why I would rebel against this entity. It has undermined my every opportunity and effort to gain success, but it is a part of me and I have resolved to make myself whole.
After some soul-searching prompts, my first stop was in the gratitude market. You can’t ask the Universe for more without thanking It for what you already have. It just wouldn’t be polite. I bought a gratitude journal in which I write daily those things I am grateful for: past, present and future.
The little things that I appreciate and make me happy fascinate me the most. In my first entry I always thank God for “waking me up this morning clothed in my right mind,” a phrase my grandfather used to say in his prayers, which has taken on a new meaning for me. You can guess why.
I’ve also created a gratitude board somewhat akin to a vision board, visually celebrating all of the things that make me happy, appreciative and that I am thankful for. It has things as frivolous as vintage clothing and jewelry, as marvelous as a multi-hued sunset or a cobalt night sky, and as welcoming as family and all that it entails. It helps me to embrace the positives of my life.
Some would say I lost everything in the deal. It may seem that way from one perspective if viewing my past, but it is far from the truth. In picking up the pieces for the umpteenth time, I discovered me, the whole of myself. I am coming from a natural place, a place of gratitude and love─not someone else’s definition of who I am, or even who I think I am; it is a place of true character.
My true character has been revealed by letting go of the toxic pieces and embracing the positive aspects of my true self. This is how I define success.

Expressing Emotion and Experience

Expressing Emotion and Experience
By Lisa Roma and Reginald True Coleman
The “Evolutions of Us” Art Exhibit

Have you ever come across a piece of jewelry that caught your eye, and as you looked closer there was one thing about it that sold you? Then, after having it for some time, it seemed to be more attractive the longer you owned it. That is one way to describe the “Evolutions of Us” art exhibit. When we walked into the room we knew we had stumbled upon a jewel. But the longer we stayed the more interesting it became.
It was a mild winter day, Saturday, February 18th when we arrived. The brightly lit walls of the ample sized gallery were lined with quite a variety of art styles. The space was filled with guests and exhibitors. A spread of refreshments covered a table near one corner of the large square room at the School of Visual Arts (SVA) 5th floor gallery located at 321 West 21st Street in Manhattan. The exhibit featured the work of 12 artists, five of whom spoke.
Viewers listened intently while various artists stood in front of their respective exhibits and shared what their artwork meant to them and why they created it. Several exhibitors voiced how creating their art helped them to express their feelings and experience some level of healing. Others chose to express a political point of view. 
The artwork covered a range of topics. Some of the paintings were photo-realistic portraits, while others were surreal. Some combined retouched photographs with typed words. One artist combined dream-images that he described while beating an African hand drum. Some artists included controversial political content while other described their art as being an extension of their mental health journey.
Laura Anne Walker, the event’s host, opened the exhibit with a reading of her poetry before discussing her art, whose colorful drawings were prominently displayed. Her eloquent poetry and art spoke about her experiences with hospitalization and recovery. 
Guest viewer Steph Walker shared the words of photo-realistic artist El Kuumba: “He said he uses his artwork to express his pain, and that’s how he processes his pain. It also helps him connect to who he is.” 
Artist Cynthia Timms spoke about her art project, which revolves around her letter to Rosa Parks, and said she believes “in art and activism. What can I do as an artist, as a writer, as a citizen, as a woman, as a black woman?” Vincent Salas, whose art expressed his spiritual and shamanic phase, also played an African hand drum during his talk, explaining how he added paper from his prescription drugs as a background to some of his art. Artist Ray Lopez spoke of the controversial and political views expressed in his work. Artist Lawrence Willoughby talked about his New York City painting. The other artists whose work was displayed, but who did not speak, were: Jenny Chan, Michael Johnson, Linda Moses, Girl Negron, Georgia Redd and Aracelis Rivera. 
The “Evolutions of Us” art exhibit was curated by Being Neighborly, a not for profit organization, in collaboration with The School of Visual Arts art therapy program. Being Neighborly is directed by artist Francis Palazzolo, who formerly created and directed the HAI Art Studio. 

“Evolutions of Us”: An Art Exhibition

“Evolutions of Us”: An Art Exhibition
By Laura Anne Walker
Making Art After the Fall of HAI

2016 was a difficult year for many people, especially because of the presidential race. In addition to the political atmosphere, those of us who attended the Healing Arts Initiative (HAI) Art Studio (created by Francis Palazzolo and directed by him from 1994 to 2016) lost the Art Studio and HAI, which went out of business. Many people, including staff and participants, were displaced. Palazzolo took that devastating loss as a magnificent opportunity to charge forward, fill the void, and create Being Neighborly, an independent art collective, comprised of former HAI Art Studio members and new artists as well. Ever hopeful, Palazzolo has kept it together for us and has given it to us to be active participants in Being Neighborly: We each contribute our gifts, talents, resources, connections, and time.
The Being Neighborly art collective has already had two exhibitions in its short existence: “Bring da Beach ta’da Hood” at the Open Source Gallery; and the recent exhibition, “Evolutions of Us,” at the School of Visual Arts (SVA) in collaboration with the SVA MPS Art Therapy Department, interns, students and staff at 132 West 21st Street, 5th floor Studio, by appointment. 
The opening reception for Evolutions of Us was on Saturday, February 18, from 2:30-4:00PM, and was well attended. The artists in the exhibit were: Jenny Chan, Michael Johnson, El Kuumba, Ray Lopez, Linda Moses, Girl Negron, Georgia Redd, Aracelis Rivera, Vincent Salas, Cynthia Timms, Laura Anne Walker (myself), and Lawrence Willoughby. A number of us spoke about our art.
I read my original poetry from my art, and spoke about the content, which explores my journey from psychiatric hospitalization to stabilization and how I came to terms with the diagnoses I’ve been labeled. Others spoke spontaneously. For example, Cynthia Timms described her love-letter artwork to Rosa Parks and, in doing so, tried to put herself in Rosa's shoes, hoping that she would have had the same courage as Parks on that bus. El Kuumba spoke of his paintings, one of which had both Mr. and Mrs. Obama, and Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Martin Luther King in the same painting. Ray Lopez spoke of his work, which is often provocative and controversial. Vincent Salas talked of the Shamans in his work and other themes. He also played a hand-beaten drum, which he invited others to play with him. Lawrence Willoughby spoke of his paintings, which depict everyday scenes in the city, such as the New York City skyline, and an MTA bus. Speaking about art is an exciting new feature of the exhibitions. Having a supportive, art-loving audience continues to be an amazing experience.
The MPS Art Therapy Students, led by Supervising Art Therapist, Sheila Fontanive, LCAT, are: Yi-Chien Chang, Saeideh Goiji, Laura Hetzel, RJ Huguenard, Andrea Juliano, Rebecca Rodas, and Gabby Simpson. They creatively helped us to get to the point of exhibition. The entire staff was overseen by Special Projects Coordinator Val Sereno, LCAT ATR-BC, who, overall, was instrumental in assisting us to put on this exhibition. We thank them.
We have coverage on the SVA blog: http://arttherapyblog.sva.edu/?p=2211 and in a press release. On Facebook, search “Being Neighborly.” If you want more, you can view profiles, spread the word, and help us reach our goals at http://beingneighborly.yolasite.com.

Press Release for the The New York City Mural Arts Project

Press Release for the The New York City Mural Arts Project
From the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene and the Fund for Public Health

Murals in the Bronx and Manhattan–developed through community engagement–will address mental illness
NYC DOHMH and the Fund for Public Health have organized a community-based project to create three public murals about mental health in East Tremont, West Bronx, and Hell’s Kitchen. The New York City Mural Arts Project is a collaborative effort between mental health consumers, artists, community-based organizations and the community at large. The two murals in the Bronx will be created by VIP Community Services and muralist Tova Snyder. The mural in Manhattan will be created by Fountain House Gallery and artist Andrew Frank Baer. The Mural Arts Project is part of the City’s effort to increase services and awareness about mental health, and aligns with First Lady Chirlane McCray’s goal to build social cohesion and reduce the stigma that continues to surround mental illness.
The Mural Arts Project will include a series of community activities over the next three months to engage the public in the mural making process and foster community conversations about mental health. The artists will lead weekly workshops at community-based organizations to discuss ideas for the designs. The artists will then present a first draft of the mural and receive feedback from participants. In May, the project will culminate with two Community Paint Days, arts and wellness fairs where the public can paint the murals.
“The Mural Arts Project is an important investment and builds on the impact ThriveNYC has had improving our city’s mental health infrastructure,” said First Lady Chirlane McCray. “Art has the ability to profoundly change the way we think, feel, and even spark meaningful conversation to begin to break down the strongholds of isolation and stigma.”
“The NYC Mural Arts Project is part of a citywide effort to take discussion of mental health from lectures to living rooms, creating the opportunity for a community conversation,” said Health Commissioner Dr. Mary T. Bassett. “Projects like this engage the community through discussion, thought, and action—ultimately reducing the stigma associated with mental illness.”
“We are pleased to take part in this important effort to connect residents to community-based organizations, social centers, and art in order to bring mental illness out of the shadows and encourage New Yorkers to seek services to help them flourish,” said Sara Gardner, Executive Director of the Fund for Public Health in New York City.
For further information and additional open studio dates, check the Mural Arts Project Facebook page or visit www.nycmap.org.
The Mural Arts Project steering committee includes members from the NYC Health Department, the Fund for Public Health, the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, NYC Health + Hospitals, the Mayor’s Office, VIP Community Services, Fountain House, Fountain House Gallery, Citiview Connections Clubhouse, Bronx Community Board 6, and Manhattan Community Board 4.
About the Artists
Tova Snyder received a Master of Fine Arts from Temple University’s Tyler School of Art. Her work includes public and commercial murals, fresco painting and restoration. Her largest piece of public art is a six-story mural off the Grand Concourse in the Bronx.
Andrew Frank Baer studied fine art at Brooklyn College. His work has been shown in galleries in Washington, D.C. and New York City, and he has painted large murals in New York City.

Beyond the Medical Model with Neesa

Beyond the Medical Model with Neesa

A Column by Neesa Sunar, Peer Specialist, Transitional Services for New York, Inc.

The Vital Profession of the Peer Specialist

For the past couple of years, I have been employed as a “peer specialist.” A peer specialist is a mental health professional who has personal lived experience with mental illness. Because peers have suffered themselves, they are able to understand and empathize with the people they work with. This type of experience cannot be learned in university. Thus, peers have expertise that doctors and social workers do not.

I learned about the peer profession when I was in a psychiatric day program in 2012. Once I heard about it, I wanted to work as a peer myself. I applied to the peer specialist training program at Howie the Harp Advocacy Center (HTH) and was accepted. I attended classes at HTH five days a week for twenty weeks, totaling to 500 classroom hours. A 12-week internship followed.

Howie the Harp Advocacy Center is named after one of the first pioneers of the peer movement. Howard Geld was psychiatrically hospitalized as a teenager in the late 60s. At seventeen, he left New York and relocated to the west coast, where he became involved in the Insane Liberation Front. During his life, he was involved in mental health advocacy efforts on the east and west coasts. He earned his moniker of “Howie the Harp” because he was a street performer on the harmonica. In 1993, he became the Director of Advocacy for Community Access. He garnered funds to start a peer specialist training center, slated to open in 1995. Unfortunately, he passed away two weeks before the school opened. The school was named after him in his honor.

While at Howie, I learned about the Recovery Model, which is in stark contrast to the Medical Model. Typically, when one is physically ill, s/he will go to the doctor. The doctor prescribes a medication, and treatment is determined successful when the person’s symptoms are eradicated. Yet with mental health, absence of symptoms is not enough. Side effects can make the “cure” as bad as the mental illness.

The Recovery Model goes beyond this. Everyone is entitled to living a fulfilling life. People should be encouraged and supported to reach for complete wellness, no matter how “severe” their condition may seem. They do not have to submit to the limited expectations that standard providers have. In the past, I held jobs where I hid my diagnosis, only causing additional stress. Now as a peer, I can use my experiences as a strength which can help others. No longer do I feel “broken” and a “danger to society.” Instead, I have developed a sense of empowered pride. I have risen from the ashes of profound disability.

About two years ago, I began working full-time at Transitional Services for New York, Inc. We offer apartments in the community, as well as active case management services. Whenever I meet a new client, I immediately disclose myself.

“Hi, I’m Neesa! I am a peer specialist. Do you know what a peer is?”

Oftentimes, the client does not know. Thus I explain:

“A peer is a person who has mental illness themselves. I myself am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I’ve been hospitalized seven times. I have been on disability since 2011. I know how this system can wear you down, trying to juggle public assistance and Medicaid and psychiatrists…I’ve lived it. I’m here so that I can relate to you. I know where you’re coming from.”

At this point, I always feel like this invisible wall melts between me and the client. My hope is always to strike a chord within the person, wherein s/he can feel safe and open. The greatest fulfillment I experience as a peer is developing that one-on-one relationship with the client. In this therapeutic partnership, I encourage them to determine their own path towards wellness instead of dictating to them how “I think how it should go.”

The peer movement specifically strives to create awareness about mental illness akin to a civil rights movement. So often, psychiatric clients are stripped of their rights, whether it be in institutions or with an outpatient psychiatrist. People are forced into treatments they don’t want for themselves, intimidated by doctors. And then there is also stigma, that pervasive societal attitude that discriminates against those who have a diagnosis.

My hope is that there soon will be widespread awareness about peer specialists. We are able to reach clients in ways that doctors and therapists cannot. We are able to stand as examples of recovery, and we inspire one another to reach higher and further than the negative prognoses from our providers. The work of peers is the future, and we must create awareness to make this happen.